[clue-volunteers] Proposed Linuxworld brochure

Colleen Beamer colleen.beamer at gmail.com
Fri Apr 21 23:54:08 EDT 2006


Evan Leibovitch wrote:

>
> The 2-column version of the back is attached. Better?

The two column version is *much* better.  I don't know that I am
thrilled with the fold going through the middle of the graphic, but I
don't know what can be done about that and still have the page look good.

However, this is to point a couple of small grammatical errors.  As it
stands now, the second paragraph reads, "Our vision is nurture a
Canadian .... ".  Did you not mean, "Our vision is *to* nurture ...."?

In the 4th paragraph, there should be a comma after the phrase "In early
2006".  In the section, "The copyright threat", the line reading,
"Others, such as the USA and European Union, has ... " should read "have
...".  And in the same paragraph, "Now the new Conservative ..." should
read "Now, the new Conservative ..." (comma after "Now").  Further along
in the same sentence, "which if law" should perhaps read, "which if made
law".

In the section "Canada, open source and open standards", the last
sentence should have a comma after the phrase, "At the very least".  In
the second paragraph in the same section, there should be a comma after
the opening phrase, "In support of open source in Canada".  However,
this phrase is redundant, as it has been repeated at the end.  Would
your meaning not be better portrayed by something like, "Clue not only
supports open source in Canada, but works to ..." and finish the
paragraph as it was written.?

In the same section, the first sentence in the 3rd paragraph is an
incomplete sentence.  Was it not your intention to say, "software", or
something like that as the end of the sentence?  The last sentence has a
typo, "benefits from he flexibility".  I assume the article should be "the".

Sorry for the nitpicking, Evan.  The text is actually *wonderful*, but
we want the brochure to be professional and nothing bugs me more than
something that is supposed to be just that, but has typos and
grammatical errors in it.

I will use an example of a book that I read, "Rebel Code", one of the
first published about the Linux/open source revolution.  The book was
*wonderful*, but was loaded with typos and grammatical errors.  I was so
annoyed that I was prompted to write a letter to the publisher.  Sure,
open source is about constant improvement and catching bugs, but that
doesn't apply when you're trying to "sell" or "pitch" something.

Sorry, if nothing else, I'm brutally honest!  :-)

Regards,

Colleen




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